one of those days when i feel like doing something stupid because i feel just so depressed... i am glad i found a channel to speak my mind and let it out...
i saw that my ex is still hung-up.. whether it is about me or sth else is unclear but i can't help feel responsible.
this guilt is literally eating me alive... there is nothing i can do to completely heal it.. and as time goes by, it gets worse.
i have been trying to keep myself busy with random stuff... fun stuff... but none of it is really a solution... i feel like these attempts to escape the truth is making this situation harder...
i had a thought of possible suicide today... although brief, and quickly faded because i was too chicken, but it makes me wonder how strong my mind really is... it has been taking all sorts of crap and really hiding it all.... shielding it from anyone... i thought i was good at handling this kinda stuff, as it turns out, i may have hit my max...
i do have crap load of stuff that should keep me busy this week, work + school + even some events planned with friends...
i want to be happy... and right now, i don't see how i can get there...
